How The Little Match Girl Ruined My Christmas

 

A few years back, when I was just a wee kiddo, I remember writing this long-arse Christmas list filled with all of the stuff I ever wanted. (Tea, tea and tea. Books too.)

Anyway, I remember writing this long-arse Christmas list and my dad took a disapproving look at it, scratched his clean-shaven chin, pondered for a moment before saying:

"Yuki, you do know that Santa is an anagram for Satan, don't you? Living to gain possessions won’t make you happy; it's a miserable waste of time."

Then he proceeded to tell me the story of The Little Match Girl. Now, growing up as a kid, I never liked that story because, let's face it, how could I, when there's *spoiler alert* a little girl freezing to death in it? That is not a fairy tale. It should be forbidden by law to let a poor child die in the cold, and for parents to read it to their children like some joyful thing along with all the Brothers Grimm work.

So, where was I again? Ah, the demon - I mean, my father shot me with a finger gun as he winked before continuing.

"How would you feel knowing that somewhere in this world, there are people starving to death, and at the exact moment, someone else is cheering and clapping as they watch someone gobble down fifty corndogs as quickly as they can? Messed up if you think too hard about it, isn’t it?" He concluded cheerily.

FAAARK YES IT WAS MESSED UP!! I was FIVE! Duuuuuude!!!

So, I trudged back to my room and culled my Christmas list, feeling guilty about asking for anything other than air, memories and food for starving nations... 

For *beep* sake, this is exactly what is wrong with me right there.

*sips my Chai Tea and massages temple*

Now, as I am older, slightly wiser but not any more mature, I get it. I do.

Granted, I would go to the same great lengths as to bullshit my kids (if I plan to have any), in the spirit of keeping the Christmas magic intact for them. Unlike a certain someone… Not mentioning any names.

Dad.

Hah, so there you go. NO thank you, Hans C. Anderson's!